Your kid is a high-achieving young adult. They crushed their AP classes, followed the academic career plan, and doggedly pursued their goals. They’re the athlete, the artist, the volunteer. And they’re struggling in ways you never expected. Maybe they’re anxious all the time, struggling with bouts of depression, and using drugs or alcohol to cope. They’re burned out, checked out, and acting out.
So what happened? It’s the result of the goal-setting trap—a sneaky, well-meaning pattern that can actually harm mental health when left unchecked. It’s especially risky for bright, high-achieving young adults who look great on paper but are quietly falling apart on the inside.
From a young age, most high-achievers are praised for their goals. They’re told to aim high, push through, stay focused, and never settle. And for a while, that strategy works. It wins scholarships, internships, trophies, and applause. But when success becomes the only acceptable outcome, failure becomes intolerable.
Success = approval. Achievement = love.
This can lead to something called conditional self-worth—the belief that you are only “good enough” when you’re achieving something. And that belief system can be incredibly fragile. What happens when the GPA dips? Or the sport stops bringing joy? Or the college environment is overwhelming? Young adults in this position often internalize their struggle as failure—not just of the goal, but of themselves. And that’s where we see mental health start to crack.
Your high-achieving kid may not talk about their mental health struggles because they think it will sound like weakness. They don’t express sadness because they feel they should be grateful. They don’t ask for help because they’ve always been the one other people relied on. And when they begin to fall apart internally, they often feel like they’re the problem—not the system they’ve been stuck in.
Mental health symptoms can spiral in this kind of environment. Anxiety increases because there’s no space to be imperfect. Depression deepens when young people feel disconnected from their authentic selves. Substance abuse may begin as an attempt to turn off the constant mental pressure. Over time, their emotional world shrinks, and their coping mechanisms become more desperate.
In dual-diagnosis residential treatment, we take a very different approach. We don’t just look at the mental health diagnosis or the substance use. We look at the whole person—their story, their stress response, their identity, their core beliefs.
In residential treatment, young adults are given the time and space to pause. For many, it’s the first time they’re allowed to exist outside of performance-based expectations. They are no longer students, athletes, or achievers—they are simply people, learning how to feel their feelings, tolerate discomfort, and build new ways of coping.
Therapeutic support helps them reconnect with themselves. They begin to explore who they are outside of their achievements. They learn how to set boundaries, manage stress, and relate to others authentically. And most importantly, they learn that they don’t have to earn love or safety through performance.
Goal-setting isn’t inherently bad. But when it becomes the measure of a person’s worth, it can quietly erode their mental health. Healing begins when they learn that they don’t need to prove anything to be okay. When they can stop striving long enough to start feeling. When they can let go of performance and connect with who they are—not just what they do.
So if your child is struggling, it may be time to step back from the hustle and help them find a new way forward. They don’t need another goal. They need permission to come home to themselves.