You know the deal. You’ve witnessed it a thousand times. “Everything okay?” you ask your teenager. Without even looking up from their phone, they hit you with the classic, “I’m fine.” If you’re asking, you probably don’t think your kid is “fine.” Maybe they’ve been isolating themselves, their grades have dropped, or their emotions seem all over the place. Or maybe it’s just a gut feeling— that parental instinct you can’t shake. Either way, you’re worried, and you want to help. The problem? They don’t want to talk about it.
So how do you get an "I'm fine" young adult to actually open up about their mental health? And if they need professional help, how do you approach the topic without making them shut down completely?
Most people don’t take kindly to being told what to do. Your teenager is no exception. Taking a direct approach, though born out of love and concern, can make your kid retreat even further. It’s not that they don’t want help - it’s that they don’t want to feel forced into it.
Instead, try shifting the way you talk about mental health. Rather than asking direct questions that put them on the spot, start with observations and invitations to connect. For example, instead of asking, “What’s wrong?” try saying, “I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot more time in your room lately.” This kind of observation invites conversation without making them feel defensive.
You can also offer an open-ended invitation like, “I know life can be stressful. If you ever want to vent or just hang out, I’m here.” This removes pressure and lets them know you’re available without making them feel interrogated.
If you want a teenager to talk, you have to meet them where they’re at—literally and figuratively. Most deep conversations don’t happen at the dinner table or when they’re in a bad mood. They happen in the in-between moments: while driving in the car, watching TV, or going for a walk.
These moments feel safer because they eliminate the pressure of direct eye contact and make it easier for your teen to open up. Rather than scheduling a “serious talk,” look for natural moments when your teen seems relaxed. The key is to create an environment where conversation can flow naturally, without the weight of expectation.
There needs to be a concerted effort to normalize therapy by treating it as routine health care, not a last resort. If you cut open your hand, you wouldn’t wait until the wound was infected and you were in agonizing pain to see a doctor. The same logic applies to mental health.
You can casually mention your own experiences with therapy (if you have any), or talk about mental health the way you would talk about staying active or eating well. When you talk about mental health in a casual, everyday way, it reduces stigma and makes the idea of getting help feel less intimidating.
Treatment-resistant young adults are really worried about your worries, fears, or frustrations. They’re focused on their worries, fears, and frustrations. So make sure to pay attention to what matters to them. Teens are more likely to engage when they feel understood, not judged.
By centering the conversation around their experience rather than your concerns, you make treatment feel like a tool for support rather than a punishment or an obligation. When teens feel that seeking help is about making their life easier rather than addressing a parental concern, they may be more willing to consider it.
If you want your teen to consider therapy, give them choices rather than ultimatums. Let them feel in control of the process.
You might ask, “Would you rather talk to someone in person or try a virtual therapist?” or “Do you want me to help you find a therapist, or would you like to do some research on your own?”
Even something as simple as, “Would you feel more comfortable with a younger therapist or someone with more experience?” can make a difference. By giving them some autonomy in the decision-making process, they may feel more inclined to take that first step.
Resistance is normal. But if your kids mental health is in serious decline (self-harming, risky behavior, suicidal ideation, etc) then waiting isn’t an option. When the situation is dire, you need to step in and set non-negotiable boundaries about getting help.
For teens who are just hesitant or unsure, patience is key. Sometimes, just planting the seed is enough. Let them know therapy is an option, keep the conversation open, and give them space to come around on their own.
At the end of the day, the best way to approach a treatment-resistant teen is to prioritize connection over persuasion. When your teen feels seen, heard, and understood, they’re far more likely to open up—and when they do, they’ll be more willing to accept the help they need.
So keep the door open. Keep the conversations light and pressure-free. And above all, remind them that no matter what they’re going through, they’ve got help if they want it.