On paper, your kid has it all together. Perfect grades? Check. Tons of extracurriculars? Check. A big ole’ smile in every photo? Double-check. But like the Bard said, “all that glitters is not gold.” Beneath that polished exterior, there might be silent signs that something is amiss. As a parent, it’s heartbreaking to think your high-achieving, seemingly happy child might be struggling with depression or another mental health challenge. So, how do you know when something’s wrong?
Perfectionism: A Double-Edged Sword
Ambition is great. There’s nothing wrong with encouraging your kid to aim high. But there’s a fine line between striving for excellence and debilitating perfectionism. If you’ve ever witnessed your child berate themselves over a 94% instead of a 100%, that’s a red flag. Perfectionism often masks deeper feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. They may not tell you they feel like they’re drowning because they’ve convinced themselves they need to “just push harder.” Pay attention to their self-talk. Are they overly critical of themselves? Do they avoid activities they once loved because they’re afraid of “failing” at them? Perfectionists learn to tie their identity into their performance and this is a dangerous belief to cultivate.
They’re Always Busy (But Never Really Relaxed)
Somewhere along the way being busy became a badge of honor. If your loved ones' calendar is so packed that they’re running on fumes, it’s worth taking a closer look. Chronic overcommitment can be a way to avoid sitting with uncomfortable feelings. When was the last time your child truly rested? Not just scrolling through TikTok or "relaxing" while doing homework, but actually unwinding? Busy is frantic. Productive is focused. Relaxed is at ease. A packed schedule may look like motivation, but it can also be a sign they’re running from something that perhaps they can’t articulate.
Emotional Disconnection
Every young adult can be moody. But if your teen seems like they’ve emotionally checked out - from you, from friends, from activities they used to love - it’s worth asking why. Depression often shows up as withdrawal, not just in relationships but in the inability to feel joy. If they used to light up at the sight of their favorite movie or hobby but now just shrug, take notice. Emotional disconnection is one of depression’s sneakiest disguises.
Physical Symptoms with No Clear Cause
How we think manifests into how we feel. Depression may live in the mind, but it can travel into the body too. Have you heard your kid complain about chronic headaches, stomachaches, or unexplainable fatigue? Maybe they’re sleeping too much or not at all. These physical symptoms are real and often a cry for help. If there’s no medical explanation, mental health should be the next place to investigate.
They’re the Family Peacemaker
Sometimes, the “perfect” child takes on the role of keeping everything running smoothly. They’re the one who steps in during family arguments or makes sure everyone else’s needs are met. While this may seem like a blessing, it can also mean they’re burying their own emotions to avoid rocking the boat. Kids who take on the peacemaker role are often internalizing stress, which can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression.
Changes in Eating or Exercise Habits
This one’s subtle but significant. Maybe they’ve suddenly stopped eating meals with the family or have become hyper-focused on "clean eating" and working out. On the flip side, they might start stress-eating or avoid exercise altogether. While these changes can sometimes seem like passing teenage quirks, they could also point to underlying struggles with anxiety, depression, or even disordered eating.
So What Do You Do?
Start the Conversation
Don’t wait for your child to come to you. If you’ve noticed any of these signs, gently bring them up in a non-judgmental way. Avoid jumping to solutions right away. Instead, focus on listening.
Normalize Talking About Mental Health
Let your child know it’s okay to struggle. Share your own experiences with stress or sadness if it feels appropriate. The more you normalize these conversations, the less scary it will be for them to open up.
Get Professional Help
Sometimes, no amount of parental support can replace the expertise of a mental health professional. If your child is showing multiple signs of depression, consider reaching out to a therapist who specializes in working with young adults. Dual-diagnosis treatment centers can also be incredibly helpful for kids facing both mental health challenges and substance use issues.
Create a Safe Environment
Make home a place where your child feels seen and heard. Praise their efforts, not just their outcomes. Remind them that their worth isn’t tied to their achievements.
Keep an Eye on Their Social Media Use
Social media can be both a lifeline and a trap for young people. Pay attention to how it’s affecting their mood.These habits can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and isolation.
We’re All In This Together
Your golden child doesn’t have to struggle in silence. Even the brightest stars need time to recharge. And sometimes, asking for help is the bravest thing they (and you) can do. Call Momentum Recovery today to talk about treatment options for your high achiever. We know what you’re going through and we’re here to help. So, parents, take a deep breath. You’ve got this. And so does your kid.