There was a time, in early parenthood, when the rulebook consisted of changing diapers, then attending parent-teacher conferences, and finally having to have “the talk.” But now your kid's all grown up with a Spotify playlist full of sad songs, and a dual-diagnosis that you’re unsure how to approach. This is the new frontier of parenting: helping your adult child navigate the complexities of their mental health in an ever increasing chaotic world. And with new frontiers come new rulebooks.
You Aren’t The Hero, But Your Role is Important
Your kid is the main character in this story. Your role is more along the lines of a guide, or trusted narrator. It’s not your job to “fix” anyone. You’re here to be a companion along their journey. Someone for them to lean on when times are tough and an ally to celebrate with when things are good.
Let them lead their own recovery. Absolutely encourage dual-diagnosis treatment and professional help when necessary. Ask the tough questions. But let them decide when to go to therapy, which meds to try, what support group to attend. Your job is to support autonomy, not override it.
Boundaries Are Guardrails, Not Walls
When your kid is struggling with anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder, or something else, it’s natural to want to be there for them 24/7. And while it’s good to be available for support, if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll burn out.
Setting healthy boundaries keeps you and your relationship with your loved one healthy. They say, “I love you, and I need sleep.” They say, “I support you, but I won’t be spoken to like that.” They let your adult child learn responsibility while reminding you that you're a parent, not a martyr.
Curious, Not Controlling
Old ideas lead to old behaviors. Try to avoid falling into old patterns of micromanaging, obsessing, and passive aggressiveness. Instead of control, try curiosity. Listen more than you speak. Validate their experience without rushing to problem-solve.
Mental health recovery is messy, circular, often infuriating. Your job is to remain a steady presence through it all.
Don’t Google in the Dark
There’s been a heap of advancements in the field of behavioral health over the last decade. Take the time to read up on all that’s new. What you may have known in the past, could be different now. Learn about your child’s diagnosis from reputable sources. Talk with trusted resources and collaborate with your child's treatment team (when appropriate).
You don’t need to become an expert but you should know the difference between a depressive episode and burnout, between supporting and enabling, between crisis and drama.
Take Care of Yourself
Your own self-care is just as important as anything else going on. If your tank is empty, your support becomes hollow. Look into therapy options for yourself. Take breaks and get outside. Talk with people who will support you.
Let me be clear about this: your child’s mental health is not a reflection of your parenting. Let go of that idea.
Your Role Is Real, But It’s Not Everything
Parents of young adults with mental health challenges walk a tightrope strung between love and limits. There’s no perfect way to navigate through it all. But your presence, your boundaries, your compassion - that’s what matters most.
So burn the old rulebook. This is a new game. Keep showing up. And call us for back-up if you need it.